IF YOU ARE UNWILLING OR UNABLE TO PERFORM THE REQUIRED TASKS FOR THAT SEAT PLEASE MOVE!!

Hey kids, I'm back from Paris and finally able to take a break from all the piled up work I had waiting for me. Paris was wonderful...and I don't think one can really know what it's like until you go (I know that's really lame and I'm sure you're like whatever bitch spill, but it really can't be described). It's wonderfully cliche with it's busy Parisians, delicious bakeries, and snobby pigeons (yes even the damn birds snub you). The buildings almost knock the breath out of you (even the ones in Pigalle, who would have thought sex shops could be so chic?). I have decided instead of going on and on about all the details of my trip I would make a list of things I loved, hated, and wish I would have done.

1. Da Bread! If your ass loves carbs as much as mine does then there is no further explanation needed. It was great and I miss it already.

2. The Metro. We have nothing like it here at home and I loved how I didn't' have to drive anywhere and worry about having gas in the tank. It was great. They take you everywhere and it's so cheap!

3. How everyone (including non homosexual males) wear scarves. Everyone does! I have never seen more scarves in my entire life and I loved looking at everyones. I never realized how many different kinds there were and how you can almost tell how a person is by their scarf.

4. Love/Hated the Euro. The dollar sucks my right funky lookin pinkie toe. Exchanging money was no fun, but the actual money looked really cool. And I thought it was funny how they used commas instead of decimal points.

5. Walking. I actually really liked it (yes it made me tired and my ankles are still pissed at me) but I really enjoyed strolling around and being able to walk to places instead of drive. Americans need to walk more...maybe if we did we all wouldn't be a bunch of big fatty boom ba latties!

6. Marlene's shower. (hated it) Sorry girl, but 2 minutes of hot water for the whole day and no holder to put the shower head on really sucked. However it all makes for great stories and I wouldn't have traded it even for a room at the Ritz!

7. The French's version of a Latino Bar. (LoVeD iT!) We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but let's just put it like this...All male waiters, spanky shorts (more like underwear) and nothing else, sleazy cocktail menu, item on menu roughly translated as the Server's Sperm, bras hanging from ceiling, crazy lights, and one horny DJ. Need I say more?

8. Marlene's blatant use of the word fuck (and varying forms of) in public and around her grandparents! Direct quote..."you can say fuck, mother fuckers whatever, they don't know what you're saying!"

9. The french Party! (loved it) It was so much fun beating all the french kids at their own drinking game. We got to make rules and I got the first one which happened to be that no one could speak French without taking a drink! Cha ching! Now we could understand what everyone was saying and even if we couldn't a beer lashing was in store.

10. The Eiffel Tower. I got to see it during the day and at night...it was awesome! However, climbing up 400 stairs just to get to the first floor was a little too close to a buns of steal workout. Wish we would have gone all the way up!

11. Stupid pink Paris umbrella. No Rhianna you can't stand under my umbrella ella ella eey, because it's turned inside out and in the trash can of the Metro. Stupid made in China crappy umbrella + rain and wind= wet and unhappy Bridget.

12. Notre Dame. Way cool. I swear I could see 'ol Quazi Moto swinging from the bells as they chimed. I'm Catholic so it was like given an ADHD kid free roam of a candy store.

13. Euro Disney. Wish we would have gone. Marlene's friend was kind enough to score us some sweet Vip tickets and we didn't go. Boo! Only regret of the trip.

Overall the trip was great and I can't wait to go back. Hopefully next time the drummer will come along and we'll be able to go to Marlene's home in South of France when it's warm! Until then I'm just about out of vacation days so my pictures and memories of Paris will have to last me until next January!

Just a Blondes Take
Bridget

I'M BETTY CROCKER THE BAKE ROCKER

So I love to bake! And Actually I'm pretty darn good at it. However on the opposite end of the spectrum I'm a terrible microwaver (if there is such a thing). I'm like Betty Crocker with an oven and like Jim Carry in Dumb and Dumber with a microwave oven. I have set butter on fire (damn foil wrapping), burnt popcorn til it was unrecognizable (what? you're not supposed to put it in for 5 minutes and then leave it?), and managed to overcook and under cook a lean cuisine all at the same time! Maybe I should consider myself talented and not stupid when it comes to microwaving!? I mean how many people do you know that can screw up nuking stuff that badly? I definitely didn't get my microwaving skills from my dad, or lack of. He used to microwave us everything! If it couldn't be microwaved or poured from a box we didn't eat it! I'll NEVER forget his famous green chicken. Tyson Chicken breast with poultry seasoning on top (that's the green part) nuked on high for however many minutes and you've got yourself me and my siblings our dinner every other night of the week! Don't forget the all important mixed frozen veggies that of course got zapped as well. And don't kid yourself thinking there was any kind of seasoning or spices put on them. Dad's motto seemed to be the more bland the better. My dad could even make scrambled eggs in the old micro! Not that they were the most appetizing looking things, but I guess we lived and I'm here reasonably healthy! So last night I'm baking some ever some yummy blueberry muffins for my boss's birthday today! I've got the batter in the muffin tin and I'm about to sprinkle the strussel topping on when I lick me fingers (yeah I was going to wash them before I touched anything else). G-ROSS! I forgot the sugar!! Instead of muffins they were blueberry biscuits. So I had to scoop the tins out and put the batter back in the bowl so I could put the sugar in! It was almost a disaster, but being the savvy baker I am I saved the day and they turned out great! I was scared for a minute...I mean I could have been stripped of my title: Bridget Betty Crocker the Bake Rocker! That's why any good baker knows you gotta lick your fingers! Right?

Just a Blondes Take
Bridget